Being a Stay at Home Mom
About Raffaella Petrillo
Searching for Raffaella will be easy, all you have to look out for is a big black car with loud music flowing outside, two teenage girls ripping each other's hair out, and a grandma yelling nonsense over the phone. Dressed up in jeans and a plain beige shirt, Raffaella is prepared to be interviewed by her daughter about her full-time mom life and how it has made her become who she is today.
How hard can giving up your life as a working adult be?
“When I changed my life and quit my job, this happened when I left my country… Leaving the country helped me to kind of forget quitting my job and focus on my life in a different way. I didn't have time to think about my [old] job…I had to focus on my family and settle in a new environment for me and especially for my kids.”
Is it hard communicating with other adults now?
“In the past I didn't talk about my job and in any case it's not a problem [because] I can ask others about their job… I’m still curious and there are a lot of things in life that are not only around a job. Actually, I have a lot of different kinds of people around me that are working and some that are not… My personality is still my personality and it’s not made of just working.”
What does a stay at home mom mean to you?
“Well, actually I think I work double than before because I'm doing more things than before. It’s just that I'm working in a different way. I have to manage the whole house so it’s not just the practical things. I [also] have to support the whole family. I think that the fact that we moved in another country to live an expat life depended on also my role [and] the fact that i quit my job, helped the whole process…it’s just like having a different job and a different role from the past, but it’s still me.”
“I don't feel the judgment because I don't judge myself for the things I do.”
Leaving the country helped me to kind of forget quitting my job and focus on my life in a different way.”
-John da Silva
Do you ever wish you hadn't quit your job?
“I wouldn't quite know because I'm really happy about the choice and it was a choice I made with the whole family… It was in relation to the new kind of life for the family so from this point I gained more time to spend with my kids and then [from that] I gained a different kind of relationship with them. When I was working I didn't have as much time for me and especially for my family… After a while when I moved again and my kids grew up, Yes, there was a moment when I really missed that part of me. Being a mom is different than to be Raffaella Petrillo at work. I had a different kind of identity… I still miss this [old] identity but the new one is so important that I don’t really think about it.”
Has someone ever judged you for not working?
“To be really honest, I don't know because I don't care so much. I mean “I don't feel the judgment because I don't judge myself for the things I do”… I'm totally fine with my choices and because of that it's a pity if people don’t understand the situation but that is not my problem.”
Do you feel proud of yourself for what you do?
Yes definitely, like I said I still miss part of my job, I mean I loved it, I had a good role in the company and I really loved my job and it was a choice I made with my family, it was a good thing to do and I'm happy I did it.
